诺曼的天空

Happy Women's day

2009-03-08T08:27:00.000-07:00

大家妇女节快乐! Happy women's day!

庆祝吴淑珍招供! Celebrate Wu, Shuzhen's confession.

Farewell

2009-03-07T19:35:00.000-08:00

Last day in the field, I saw a sloth!

I am really tired. The captain is down. The harbor is in sight.

I am inwardly excited. People told me that my presentation was excellent.

I am reluctant to go back to the dry flat Oklahoma.

I am a little nervous about seeing Meg again.

I couldn’t wait to touch my flute.

I want to go out for Chinese food.

I want to talk a lot and a lot square to Georgia.

I am not sure whether the life before would come back to me again.

So I want to say goodbye to this place, and all the time before this point.

I want to be my own light, my own refuge.

Sweep away doom

2009-02-28T17:25:00.000-08:00

I always thought the scorpion in my room wasn’t a good omen.

So my wallet was stolen on this small island. Luckily my passport is in immigration office and payment in Tupper office. And I am very grateful he didn’t take my laptop, i.e. DATA!

There wasn’t much money but important photos, photos I cannot find anywhere else. I want them back, please~~~~~

Sign~~~~~~

It took me 15 years to get here. The memory of the days here is a hollowed ground that I allow no one to intrude because it will be taken to my afterlife. Please help me keep it perfect.

小明软趴趴 Xiaoming soft

2009-02-23T16:16:00.000-08:00

My body feels soft like a dead dog lately. Xiaoming need some salt!

Wolf spider, scorpion, centipede and kissing bug-- all appear in my room in 3 days. The kissing bug was next to the night stand when I found it. Oh God I confess that I am not working hard these days, but please don't send them to me. Forgive me!

Fig, Bat and Larissa

2009-02-15T19:15:00.001-08:00

My two best friends on the island are both bat people from the same university in Germany. Here are some stories about bat.

Fig Bay

I went out to look for fruiting fig tree one day with Larissa. She drove the boat out of lab cove. The boat bumped for about half an hour before we got to a place where the water was clear and green. The boat slowed down when we approach the bay. We have to be very careful about the trees under water. So the boat almost drifted into the bay, during which a group of keel-billed toucan flew from a tree across water to another tree, on after another, for an interval of about 1 minute and lasted for at least 10 minutes. I am always worried that their heads are too heavy that they may crash in flight sometime.

The little boat drifted slowly, so was a dark cloud that haunted us for the whole morning. When we got to the bay, it started to rain. Larissa showed me at least five different fig species. One of them was fruiting. We surveyed half of the bay then the rain got heavy. She didn’t have a Rite in the Rain, a kind of field book that you can write in the rain. So we headed back. Before leaving I took a picture. When we drove out of the rain, I looked back. The fog arose from the island like cooking smoke in a remote village. I couldn’t remember what’s the name of the bay so named it fig bay.

Ripe Fig

One day on my way back to the lab, I smelled some sweet fragrance in the air when I passed Wheeler 14. So I looked around and found many figs on the ground. It’s a kind of big fruit fig. I picked up one, open it and smelled it. And I immediately felt my stomach was empty. How happy I would be if I am a bat! I would hang somewhere nearby enjoy the sweet fragrance all day and I must cannot wait till the darkness to come.

Molossidae

At night of Dec 28, lunar calendar, a bat flew into the hallway. I opened the door but it wouldn’t fly out. So I caught it by my insect net. In the net the little guy closed its eyes tightly and was slightly shivering. Its long, thin point tail indicates that it’s a member of Molossidae, insect eating bat. The tiny face looked like a dog’s face. Its back was furry. He was frustrated so I didn’t want to hold him anymore. I shook my net but the little man hung tightly with his little hands and legs. Christian told me bats have to hang vertically and need some distance to glide before they can actually take off. So I gently put him on the wall. Five minutes later when Larissa came, he had gone.

Thyropteridae

In the new rolled leaf of a Heliconia near the beginning of Snyder Molino roosted three tiny sucker-footed bats. Three of them hid at the bottom of the leaf with heads up. They have four small suckers on their wings and legs. They are the cutest animals I’ve seen on the island. To see the details click the picture.

Bat night

Last night I went to catch bat with Larissa. She uses mist net. In a short time we got 15. She gently detangled them from the net, measured them and fed them a little sugar water. Some bats were pregnant that they got so angry in the net. While Larissa was trying to get them out, they struggled to get themselves deeper. One of them bit her. But they were what she need for her experiment. The men were ready to mate. The balls were red and swollen. Larissa would work for the whole night while I left early before she started her experiment. She said that was the first time she got so many pregnant females for two years. And I was happy to share a fruitful night with her.

Thank you 402

2009-02-13T17:52:00.000-08:00

I would like to say "thank you" to my 402 sisters. Your letters made me feel warm and reminded me that there is always hope and I am not the one to give up.

So xiaoming is back. Her dream is shining again.

相亲

2009-02-11T17:24:00.000-08:00

I got another arranged date from my parents. Merry, can you remember how many times I had this? I thought the arranged marriage had be an antique long ago.

And I imagined my real date will be much more romantic and free.

Sigh......

It seems we are not living in the same era.

But don't be sad, mom. I'll go.

Answer

2009-02-08T19:51:00.000-08:00

I was kept thinking that why I was unhappy,

Even if my dreams became true

One after another.

Today I found out--

Happiness is to give.

Who is Rostropovich?

2009-02-07T17:11:00.000-08:00

Who is Rostropovich?

A puffbird sat solving the puzzle

Until being a tree branch

Who is Rostropovich?

A ceiba fell into ponder

And mindlessly touched the sky

Who is Rostropovich?

The queen ordered “find him!”

Thus her daughters covered the forest ground

Who is Rostropovich?

A squirrel says he is her distant relative

An eccentric

Lives in a far east tree hole

And sings a song of swan

Above:

2009-2-7

recall an old joke of “Who is Rostropovich”

on Schneirla BCI

Hymn

2009-02-06T15:10:00.000-08:00

The uterus of fig

Is the tomb of wasp

She shed her wings

In change of entrance

Upon death she resurrects

As many wasps

And repeat the timeless loop

Between tombs

Above: 2009-2-6

Woke up 4:39 am

After a bambi night

How can I love you, Chinese?

2009-02-04T07:31:00.000-08:00

Zhejiang University, one of the best universities in China, a research group leaded by a member of Chinese Academy of Science, a postdoc, 14 publications that are suspected fabricated or submitted to multiple periodicals, 3 papers retreated from international journals.

But the press officer of the university asserted that this is a personal behavior, and has nothing to do with the group and its leader. Who would believe that a senior scientist and a co-author of the papers knew nothing of this? The paper wouldn’t cover the fire! If you made the first mistake, do not make the second.

Lu, Xun has said that he was not afraid of suspecting Chinese by the worst intention. I deeply doubted this before and always change the word “禪” (afraid) to “善” (good at). But then there is the tour group traffic accident, there is the poisoned milk, there is lip-synch. There are cheap but low quality goods and there are Chinese who go to churches only for free food and presents. I would advocate for you but deep in my heart I believe the repeated shame of the flying shoe dose not come from nowhere.

Every time when there was such news in media, I was questioned a lot by the curious Americans. My dear people, how do you suppose me to react, arrogantly patriotic, or nobly cynic? At these times I had no choice but to silently swallow the sour.

Chinese, how can I love you?

A translation to welcome Meg

2009-01-31T17:45:00.000-08:00

I Want To Run

I want to run

On the island where the dark clouds conceal the sky

Till the end

I see across the water

The mountain fog arises like a write dragon

I want to run

On the crocodile’s bare back above the water

Till her lips

I hear the piercing laugh of the waking bat

Flit over water

I still want to run

Even at the end of the end

Use my fingertips Run

On a dancing piano on the buoy

On the white and black islands of perpetuum mobile

2009-1-22

我只想奔跑

2009-01-30T19:17:00.000-08:00

我只想奔跑

在乌云藏匿了天空的岛屿

直到尽头

看见水的那边

升起白龙般的山岚

我只想奔跑

在鳄鱼露出水面的脊背

直到她的唇边

听到苏醒的蝙蝠

掠过水边的尖笑

我还想奔跑

即使到了尽头的尽头

用指尖奔跑

在浮标上跳舞的钢琴

在无穷动的黑白岛屿

二零零九年一月二十二日

The tower

2009-01-28T19:04:00.000-08:00

No matter how much I didn’t want it,

my birthday still came. And I cannot evade getting one year older.

It was late afternoon. I decided to do something for my birthday. I went to the canopy tower.

The tower locates in a shady ravine. A little frog was making a love song nearby. Greenish yellow algae grew on the poles and steps of the tower, making it looks really age. I carefully went on the steps, slowly, one by one. My hand grabbed the rope that goes through the center of the tower. When one has a climbing kook he can secure himself on the rope. But I don’t. So I have to trust my hand. In the beginning I was a little cautious. I was always imaging I would fall in between the two steps and break something on me. But after ten levels I stopped thinking of anything.

Gradually there was more light. The big dark-green leaves of epiphytes on the trunks were seemingly in the reach of my hands. Gradually there was more wind. My sweat soaked T-shirt start to breath the forest air, so was my hair. Gradually I heard sounds that I never heard before-the harmonics of wind going through all shapes of gaps between the trees, the sudden tighten of the cables and the “zhi—ya--”of the swinging tower. Though at such a height that a misstep can be fetal, everything around appeared cozily free. And I felt I want to stretch my arms and legs. The shrunk mind was like an expanding balloon that was about to take off.

All of a sudden all the treetops are below me. The canal appeared. The eagles soared around. Clouds naughtily dodged wind’s chase. The supreme brightness.

I reached out to embrace the sky. I cried. I waved. I laughed. I proudly declared that I am twenty-five. I am going to have MY life, all the way through the shady bottom, until the paramount top.

Being twenty-five now, I’ve been to the tower.

写在二十五岁

2009-01-13T09:07:00.000-08:00

明天我就二十五岁了. 依照四舍五入, 已经是正式奔三十了.

昨天收到导师的邮件. 上面写着: 我完全不能理解你的逻辑. 想想你要问得问题, 这样测时间什么也不能告诉你…… 所有否定词都用大写黑体标出.

这是我所知道的. 一个人不需要学任何科学只要用鼻子想一想也会知道, 这样测时间完全没有意义. 我所不知道的, 是我究竟哪里出了问题, 怎么会频频犯这样的错误.

二十四岁这年, 丢失了笑, 丢失了激情, 丢失了自己.

二十四岁这年, 数不清个黑夜, 坚强的床架, 拖着无眠.

二十四岁这年, 迷失在这座失乐园.

二十四岁这年没有冬天, 我却希望来一场暴风雪, 在这座热带岛屿, 冰封世间一切记忆, 唯有忍耐与希冀留存.

二十四是一只贪婪的黑洞, 吞噬了从前. 我重生在这座失乐园, 像个婴孩, 弱不禁风, 一无所有.

二十四是一场伯拉图式的恋爱, 在我与科学之间, 直到我们失恋.

明天就二十五了, 可是我却不敢踏进这一天. 如果这世间有回转一切的药, 我愿吞下它重新我们的恋爱, 依然伯拉图式, 在这座失乐园. 我要我们的恋爱轰轰烈烈. 可是时间的玫瑰一旦开过, 就只有凋零.

我曾对导师说, 我的一生都在奔跑, 我跑过了大半个青春, 却发现我越跑, 目的地离我越遥远. 我终于累了, 终于陷在这样的绝望中. 于是我决定人的一生很长, 我无需再匆忙.

导师却对我说, 人的一生通常比大多数年轻人想得要短. 所以要把每一天当作生命中的最后一天, 也要腾出时间去嗅一朵玫瑰.

昨夜我在黑暗中哭泣, 我发誓, 这是最后一次了. 为丢失的二十四, 为即将到来的二十五. 却忽然有一道绿光出现在空中, 一闪一灭, 从房间这头飞到那头----是一只萤火虫, 我的房间里居然关了一只萤火虫! 我张开双臂, 它来到我的怀抱.

上帝在我黑暗的时候给我派来了光!

二十五岁的婴孩, 唯有忍耐与希冀. 光, 请引领我向复乐园!

为了忘却的记念之落水狗的罗曼蒂克

2009-01-05T15:33:00.000-08:00

元旦已过约摸五日, 春节还在廿日开外.本不是记念甚么的时日. 然连日的阴雨让一切生出霉味来, 我于是怕那些积存已久的么什在肚里也生出霉来, 便正有写一点东西的必要了.

戊子之末,需是送旧的时候了. 细细盘点, 发觉自己竟也柔石一般前额亮晶晶的, 圆睁了近视的眼睛, 心里盘道着 “会这样的么？――不至于此罢？……”. 不至于甚呢?

其一便是所谓格物致理, 完全不是什么罗曼蒂克的东西. 此前便被先前的先生教育要坚决抛弃罗曼蒂克, 然而我未曾听从. 又加之现在的先生一味纵容, 便决定将罗曼蒂克进行到底. 却未料当这个青衫的柔石被投之孤岛, 每日恶斗飞蚊披星戴月苦心孤胆, 归来腹中空空也无气力烧煮洗刷, 终日汤面果腹, 试验依旧未果, 便以为自己是开了学生之厄运的先河. 至于旁人有恶意无恶意的言论,又无非是大喊痛打落水狗. 翻开来批文便每页都写着神话泯灭. 我只觉得艰于呼吸视听, 还能有甚么罗曼蒂克, 每日苟延残喘罢了.

有旧友人问及理想是否依旧放光, 我便道“不了”. 长歌当哭,已然在痛定之后. 擦了前额亮晶晶的汗, 真的猛士, 将毅然前行. 这为了忘却的记念, 第一便为那刀光血影之后, 旧的神话之泯灭. 新的神话,将在废墟上诞生.

于是, 落水狗要不要罗曼蒂克? 当然是—

要!

Finale

2009-01-01T17:49:00.000-08:00

c c Finale d d

There used to be an ending part titled “beyond”. It was my last day on the island. I took an hour off from observation to go around and say goodbye to everything. I went to the river, which I had been there twice. Once was with my assistants. Once was with Meg. Both times it was rainy or foggy. This time when I passed the tree fence, I found the river was so broad, much broader than I thought. The wind sent the waves to me. I thought I felt something. I called that beyond. I didn’t know for the whole summer, that across the little pond, beyond the tall trees there was a piece of blue vast water. The same wind blew on my face but I didn’t know where it comes from. On my way back I picked a little daisy and put it beside Mr. Osborn’s grave.

Yes, I do need to go beyond. But I know I haven’t. Back to Norman there was a time I hated night. I felt hollowness in my chest once it was dark. I cried silently every night. Words and scenes flew in my head like a haunting ghost.

Someone said human is only a Jack of straw with a golden halo. But the real water has no scent. The real man has no halo. If I cannot cast off the load, I wouldn’t be able to go far.

Someone said that each heart is a pilgrim.

So pilgrim how you journey

On the road you chose,

To find out why the winds die

And where the stories go.

Pilgrim in your journey,

You may travel far,

For pilgrim

The road leads to nowhere,

The road leads to you.

The monarch

2008-12-05T19:08:00.000-08:00

c c The Monarch d d

There was a little green monarch chrysalis hanging on the pole of one of the insectaries. I found it the day when Meg was there.

A week later I got a letter from her.

“In the weeks to come, your monarch chrysalis in the insectary will be growing dark, signaling an immanent emergence. I expect you too, will have undergone sufficient transformation to also emerge, casting off the remains of an undergraduate perspective, and taking on the form of a taneral scientist. As is an exciting process and one that will make you stronger, more confident, and more at peace with yourself. ”

After that I went there everyday to check the little chrysalis. Day after day I was waiting for the moment to witness this great transition. Day after day I was hoping I was going through the same process as the little creature in there.

One day when I finish my observation, I went there again to check. It was after the rain. Everything was wet. I saw something hanging there, but it was empty. It emerged! I open the insectary. It must be in there. I could not wait to see it. I looked for a while and didn’t found a beautiful monarch, but only a little gray ugly butterfly. The wings didn’t expand out normally. The abdomen was distorted at a big angle. I checked once again and was sure that it was the only butterfly inside.

I was struck by the huge contrast between the expectation and reality. But the little poor butterfly flew to my hand and stopped there. The touch of his legs was gentle. Only think positively, Qiuqiu. So I thought I should encourage him.

“Hay, we were on the same boat. And you did it first. It was great. Don’t worry. You will live on. Just wait and see.”

But the butterfly flew to my face and stopped on my nose.

“What do you want to say to me?”

He flapped his wings. I almost sneezed. I carried him out and put him on the top of a grass. He flew up for a second and fell down. He struggled and flew up again and crashed down again…

I stopped here, for a long time, to think how to end this piece. Language seems too pale. Any attitude I add should be awkward. For this true and sad story, there is no end.

She looks like a tree

2008-12-02T09:49:00.001-08:00

c c She Looks Like A Tree d d

Two months passed. My experiment stared to get better. Or I started to feel better of my experiment. I didn’t know which way it was. But that did not matter.

One day I went out to the site alone. I was in the army suit. The normal clothes probably won’t last longer than a week there. It was pretty noisy. It must be another group of hunters, I thought. There were a lot of “hunters” there during that time of the year. Many of them were in the same suits as mine. I did not understand in such a civilized country, why hunting still exists. Do they really feel good when they pull the trigger? Of course most of the time they were too noisy. A real hunter would never do that. They made sound from half a mile away while I was in my insectaries. I always cursed them getting nothing. And I heard some kids. There were kid hunters too. I could not believe their parents let them go killing at such an age.

But it was not. It was a group of retarded children, at least from what I can tell. Two adults were leading them into the woods. I guessed they were the teachers. The last child in the line was running around. And he saw me. He had cross-eyes.

“Look! She looks like a tree!” He shouted.

Then the whole group turned around and looked at me. “Oh yes, she looks like a tree.” The other children repeated his words. They came to me. And touched my insect net with their little hands.

“Are you going to catch a lot of mosquito with this?”

“Yes, I am.” I said.

“My children, she is a scientist.” One teacher said.

“What is a scientist?” A little girl asked.

“A scientist is a person who catches mosquito and watches them.” The teacher said.

“Yes. I catch a thousand mosquito everyday.”

“Wow…”

The kids all looked at me. I was so proud at that moment.

She looks like a tree. This was the best praise I had gotten for my life.

A day without rain

2008-11-29T10:46:00.000-08:00

c c A Day Without Rain d d

It was July 3, a day before the national day.

The sun was floating fire, burning every inch of my skin. But I felt cold from inside. The sun was too bad for the damselflies. They kept dying in my hands.

I got into an insectary for some males. I needed twenty of them for experiment that day. It was around 10:30 and I knew Meg was coming. If she had left right after breakfast, she should be there soon. So I caught the damselflies much more carefully than usual, one by one, and slowly put them into the small cage. But I knew I just want to stay there for longer so when Meg comes, she’ll see me through the mesh. I was escaping her eyes.

My hands were slowing down. Time went back to eight months ago. It was a Thursday. I came to the lab after a class. Meg was in her office next door to the lab. My proposal draft sat on the lab table. I picked it up. It was all covered in red.

As I read it I started to sweat. The words were running and dancing all over the paper. It took me so long to chase and read one. My mind was frozen, seemingly unable to comprehend the meaning of the words. Then I heard Meg came out of her office, passed the lab and left. I was trying to caught her and talk to her. But my body didn’t move at all.

And then Meg came back again and talked to me. The moment when my eyesight met hers, something pierced into my heart. She was wearing the sunglasses at that time, so I couldn’t see her eyes. But there was something behind the glasses that was so shiny and sharp. I understood at that moment that she was the person who can look into my heart. I believe in this world there is only one person who can do this. She is the one. So there is nothing I can hide from her.

That night was another sleepless one. I worked on that proposal until morning. I cannot remember how many times I played this song:

Grow the tear in the heart

It will bloom a flower of brave

When you are tired

Close your eyes

You will the smell the fragrance

...

Until now, every now and then I still feel the eyesight somewhere, looking at me. It still makes me sweat when I want to be lazy or weak.

So I knew exactly that I was escaping the eyesight.

“Anybody here?”

I didn’t answer. I saw Meg checked one insectary after another until she came to the one next to where I was.

“I am here.” I said.

“Are you getting the males for dusting?”

“Yes.”

“How do you do it? I want to see.”

“Sure. I’ll do it now.”

I came out of the insecatry. I saw Meg was smiling at me. But I didn’t look at her in the eyes. I didn’t smile back. I couldn’t pretend to be smiling. I was never good at pretending something.

“These insectaries look really professional. I love them. See the vegetation inside. They are the most realistic ones I’ve ever seen. I think things are great here.”

“Yes, they should.” But what I really want to say was “But they are not.”

I walked to the insectary where I was going to release these males. But Meg caught me in front of insectary No. 7. She padded softly on my shoulder.

“There is a time that everyone has to go through, for Tom, for Jon and for me.” I was still unable to look at her.

“The real world is never ideal. You will certainly have to live with all these problems.”

I felt the muscles on my face distorted slightly. I wanted to cry but have to force myself to calm down, and put a little smile… Things made a strange combination on my face. It must be so wired. I cannot let anybody see this, I thought. She was still saying something but I lost track of that. I turned away from her and was trying all I can to hold the tears.

“… I am here to help you. Things will change, I am sure. Think positively, Qiuqiu, only think positively…”

I breathed long when the conversation was over. I went back to work.

“Only think positively, Qiuqiu.” I said to myself.

Everyone left that night for party, but Meg stayed with me. We went out to the field before the dinner, but not for work, just for fun. Meg was dancing in the cloud of mosquito with her insect net. Her mosquito hat looked shiny in the sunset. Her hair was golden. Her feet tips kicked up a little pinch of sand that made a perfect arch in the air. The arms waved harmonically with the trees. I never saw her so happy, so young. I smiled.

It didn’t rain that day.

I'm fine

2008-11-28T08:36:00.000-08:00

c c I’m Fine d d

The old batteries murmured in the flashlight and made a dim light shaft. I forgot to check my flashlight before I came out. I finished late that day and was to send my damselflies to bed. Nine in the northern woods was as dark as the deep sea. The forest trail looked deep. A night monster was hiding far eating up the light greedily. My eyes cannot find things to focus.

I was not afraid of going out at night. Night is best at covering things, on the face or in the heart. A month’s work, achieved nothing. Fear took over smile on my face. And I was trying hard to hind it during the day. But now it was night. I can finally take a break.

The flashlight blinked several times and was about to go out. The trail seemed endless. The trees beside it were screaming at a high note. The high tips of them were swinging in the wind as if they were whispering something about me. I wondered were they laughing at me.

I thought I suddenly heard something behind me, moving, in the woods. I stopped, turned off my flashlight. Fear came from everywhere, penetrated into every hole of my skin. When you don’t know what you are afraid of, that’s the most horrorable time. I didn’t know whether I wanted to turn around to face it. Then the sound moved closer.

I am a poor man. Whatever you are, don’t come to me please. I said silently.

A second was like three years. An approaching sound, a beating heart, a fearing soul.

I don’t know how long I stood there before I finally turned around. The sound was at my feet. I saw nothing like two green bulbs. I knew there was a bear nearby. It was only a toad.

On the remaining way, the house seemed further. The more I was longing for it, the further it appeared. The darkest darkness comes from nothing, just like I didn’t know why I failed all my experiments and what was sound behind me. I wondered how many times Meg had traveled on such night trail. Did she ever feel fear?

I finally got home.

“You are home. We were worried about you. Are you okay?”

“Yes, I am fine.”

Island

2008-11-27T13:26:00.000-08:00

c c Island d d

A drop of cold rain brought me back to the moment. I found myself sitting in front of an insectary, lost in memory.

Twenty days ago, it was also rainy.

I was in the car with Meg, my advisor. When the car got onto the narrow muddy road between the red pines, she put her hand in front of my eyes.

“Don’t look now.”

“Why?”

“We are coming to your summer dream house!” She sounded so excited.

One minute later she removed her hand. “Here we are. The three bear cabin!”

“My summer house…” I murmured while I opened the door.

The first moment when I got out of the car, I was surrounded by a black cloud of mosquitoes. There was no time to appreciate the woods or anything around. We retreated to the house as quickly as possible.

The house was very nice. In fact it was like the one in my childhood dreams. Everything was made of wood. The walls are made of whole logs. I don’t know what kind of wood that was. It looks dark. I heard that American chestnut is the best one to make cabin but I didn’t know whether there was any left since the invasion of a bad fungi together with the Chinese chestnut. There was a fireplace with a chimney passing through the second floor and going out. On the chair there was a warm afghan.

It was getting late before I started to unpack my things. Meg had to leave. She gave me a big hug, and disappeared behind the door. I felt I was her child, not biologically but mentally. The farewell made me sad. Seven years ago when the bus carried me away from home to the real, I wasn’t sad. Months ago when I boarded on the plane to fly across the ocean, I wasn’t sad. I did not even feel anything close to “want to cry” while the man sitting behind me on the plane was covered in tears. I was embarrassed for a little while for my emotionlessness. But now there was something when Meg was leaving.

Before she stared the car, I felt an impetus to rush out for a moment. I felt there were so many questions that I hadn’t asked but I could not think of any at that moment. A second or two’s hesitate, she drove out of my sight. A surge of hollowness attacked my chest, eating up my mind until I fell asleep on the bed.

The next morning when I woke up, the shaft of morning light shine into my room through the blue curtain. The dust in the air looked like many busy bees. I open the window. It was chill outside. The sky was still pale, like a fish’s belly.

I didn’t talk to Andrew and Natalie, my field assistants at the breakfast. Frankly I didn’t know what to say. This transition was too sudden. It takes ten years in China for one to have an assistant. And more importantly, I probably knew less in the field than them.

We went out to the field after breakfast. I thought it ought to be awkward, going out without really knowing where to start, and two assistants who were waiting for orders. I still didn’t say anything, just started collecting any damselfly I saw. They followed me. I only knew I have to start. It dose not matter on what.

So I was there on the island.

It was an island of time, away from past and future. The ocean was called “now”.

It was an island of mind, away from confidence and support. The ocean was called “doit”.

Summer on Sugar Island

2008-10-16T17:51:00.000-07:00

In dedication

to the solemn death of the damselflies

and my days and nights on Sugar Island

Prelude

The rain started to fall on the leaves. It sounded like a crescendo rhythm. “ti—ta—ti--ta”, “ti-ta-ti-ta”, “tititata—tititata”…

I pulled out the hat of my raincoat, stood up to relax the muscles on my legs and moved the flags to where the larvae were. There must be some magnet that trapped me there in the rain. I had been followed these two Epitheca final instars for the whole morning. Since they came out of the water, they had crawled across the beach, climbed up a cliff and passed the poisoned ivy. They must be heading the forest, probably a red pine, for the most exciting and dramatic moment of their life—emergence.

Rain poured down. One of the instars found a dead leaf and hide there. The other one—No. 39 in my field book—sped up his crawling. He crossed the narrow pine-piont-trail, which certainly passed any records of how far the final instars travel before they emergence so far. He moved so fast that there was no time for me to move the flags. Half an hour later, he rested in the forest 16 meters away from the water.

I grabbed my sandwich while still kept an eye on it. I was afraid of losing track of him. There were some times that I thought I lost him but I always found him again several minutes later.

The rain stopped. There came little sun. I stood up, decided to leave since No.39 hadn’t moved for a long time. I just turned my head and amazingly found that an Epitheca was emerging right in front of me. The soft head the thorax had come out but he was still pulling his abdomen out. This made all my staying in the rain worthwhile, I thought. Then something shined and I heard a little sound. A teneral was waving its wings not far from this pulling one. His wings were still wet and had a color of yellow jade. Looked into that direction, I almost couldn’t believe my eyes—there were probably hundreds of Epitheca emerging in this small area of forest. Some of them were pulling themselves out of exuvia (exuvia are the cuticles where the larvae lived in and the last thing they need to caste off before they become adults), some were drying the wings, some flipping the wings and about to ascend into the air. I suddenly felt I entered a wonderland, the one in Hayao Miyazaki’s film. My mind started to become light and was willing to take off with them.

The afternoon was unforgettable.